Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize