Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
