The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
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