I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
