Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
