remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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