im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Are we still banned from the library?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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