If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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