He had one of those small greek statue penises
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
