I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Randomize
