New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Randomize
