im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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