he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
