Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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