Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
