You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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