Your mouth is God's brothel.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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