and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
