WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
