she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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