Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
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