I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
