Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
