The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
