he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
