she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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