you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
