I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
