I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
