nut hugger
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
either way he was missing a nipple.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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