She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
