Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
