I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
