so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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