By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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