I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize