There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
