how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
