too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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