That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
