Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
