hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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