I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
