I hate your face
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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