Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
