a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
