The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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