I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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