I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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