Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Randomize
