I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
