just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
