She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
