saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
