literally had 100 drinks last night.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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