im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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