neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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