4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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