Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I currently don't understand fingers.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
