honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
