Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
