Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
