Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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