That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
So many bounce houses so little time
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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