So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
