My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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