3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
