i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
