Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
