mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Randomize
