coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
