I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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