If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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