I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
