so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
