I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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