I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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